Two Years in the Waiting
“What are you going to do with the rest of your life?”
It’s quite a common question, if you think about it. First you hear, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” At first, the answers are things like doctors and firefighters and moms and dads. But, as we age, we realize how broad of a question it actually is. And I cringed to hear questions such as, “After you graduate, what are you going to do?” “Where are you going to school? What are you going for?” And let’s not forget, “Do what you love.” But I didn’t know. I didn’t have answers to any questions. I kept it to myself during my senior year – I was so scared to leave my comfort bubble that was high school. All of my peers seemed to know what they wanted; either they were already doing it or were planning for it. But what was I going to do? And why did it feel like I had to know right then and there?
As I sat and listened to the commission during my high school graduation, I was so uneasy I began trembling. I didn’t know what was going to happen from that day forward. I could feel the fright bubbling inside me. I had just stood in front of my graduating class and an audience and sang the lyrics, “When You don’t move the mountains I need You to move; when You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through; when You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You, I will trust in You.” Did I believe what I had just sang? Yes, yes I did – I chose those lyrics to declare and proclaim as I walked out of high school. Suddenly, the pain and stress I experienced seemed to evaporate just a little bit, and as I sat on my Nanny and Paw-Paw’s porch that evening, I felt a peace I had never felt before as my frightful dust began to settle.
Long story short, I’ve experienced many academic changes throughout the two years I’ve been in college. I was never comfortable or at peace with the degrees that had been placed on me by academic boards and ones I had considered. But last week, I felt as though my ear had been whispered into. I heard what had popped into my brain during my Junior year of high school, and it was repeating itself over and over. So, after a week of prayer, I declared my major for the first time: I am getting a Bachelor’s degree in Social Work.
Two years. I have waited two years for my answer. I have sought after my Father to give me the answer, and He has finally seen fit to do so. My first year of college was learning – learning how to rely on Him, learning how to adult, and finding my place. This past summer was listening – listening to the things my Father wanted me to know and going where He wanted me to go – even to uncomfortable, personal places. This past fall was following – picking up and carrying a cross, asking for help from Him where I thought I needed it and where He knew I needed it, and continuing to follow, because He was the only light I had to follow (and always will be, for that matter). And this past week, my Father said, “You’re ready now. Here’s what you’ve waited for.”
It was not impossible, but it was not easy. It was tiring, it was exasperating and painful sometimes. But it was in His timing, and I wouldn’t have it any other way, because He was actively preparing my heart. The waiting period is tough in some ways, but it is a most exciting and beautiful thing to finally know, “This is a piece of His plan for my life. This is part of where He will use me. This is what He wants for me.”
Many of us – my high school friends – are in so many different areas. One went into the Arts, one went into computer science; one went straight into a daily “grind,” one is going with the flow. Some have stayed, some have moved away. To my joy, I have enhanced my relationship with one or two – and to my grief, I’ve lost one or two altogether. I have danced at one’s wedding, and I have mourned at one’s funeral. Some of us knew right away, life took some of us on detours, and some of us still don’t know. But that’s okay, because we still have many milestones to reach. We have two weddings coming up, and one of us is expecting a baby. We all have our own place, and I have been blessed richly to continue to rekindle and share places with one or two over the last year. But each has his and her own, and mine has just reached a massive, life-changing milestone.
The Father has given me my answer; He has carved my place over the last two years, and now it’s ready for me to inhabit it. But He isn’t finished with me. I don’t know what His plans are, but I know He has them, and I know they’re good. I don’t know His timing, but I know it’s perfect. I don’t have to wonder if He hears me – He’s made it evident that He does. I don’t have to wonder if He’ll provide – I wake up with oxygen in my lungs every morning so I know He has the rest of the day taken care of.
Being in the waiting has been a trial. Choosing Christ over myself has been a trial, but I am being restored and revived day after day, and I feel my strength is renewed. Most importantly, being in the waiting has been a promise fulfilled: “Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not grow weary, they shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31
Annabelle Ellis. Sinking in the ocean that is grace day after day. Enthusiast for the mission of Jesus Christ, cats, 70's music and indie vibes.
[Featured post from: https://annabellerellis.wordpress.com/, February 3, 2018]